Facing People

How Will My Family and Friends React

You are struggling with your feelings and reactions after being sexually assaulted. Your family and friends will also struggle with many feelings of their own. They may need some help as well.

You may have mixed feelings about telling your friends and family. You may also be extremely sensitive to the way they respond to you.

At a time when you need to talk about your feelings, others may have difficulty listening.
When you need to make your own decisions, others may want to make decisions for you.
You get the curfew, even though your parents say you did nothing wrong.
When you want to be comforted, others pressure you for more physical intimacy.
When you want to spend quiet time, others want you to talk about what happened.
When you are ready to talk, others avoid you because they don’t know what to say or do.

No one seems to understand what to do or what you need. Family and friends may become overprotective as they try to cope with their own feelings of fear, powerlessness, and helplessness. Parents often feel they should have been there to protect you or somehow prevented the assault.

A spouse or partner may avoid closeness with you, or may feel that immediate intimacy will erase the trauma of the assault.

It’s up to you to decide how much you want to tell and to whom. It is also very important for you to have a support system. Family and friends are often your support.

Understanding the feelings of your family or friends, doesn’t mean you have to take responsibility for their feelings. You need to be dealing with your own. Talking about feelings openly, or with the support of a counsellor can help.